Well, I’ve done it. I worked my last week and although I am excited by the new leg of my journey, I couldn’t help but regret leaving the amazing people that I have grown accustomed to over the years. This is by far the craziest thing I have ever done. Every once in a while I wonder, “What the heck were you thinking?” and try not to hyperventilate.
I’m sure there will be a mound of hiccups along the way. The first one I’m dealing with is how long it might take me to get my 401k. This is the part that makes me most nervous. Once I receive those funds I know that I’ll have a few months to try and work on my projects. Crocheting takes time and I’ll need to figure some other things out which are more feasible in terms of turn-around. The beauty of this whole thing though, is that I can literally do whatever I want as a job while I’m writing. I can explore all those things that I “wished” I could do. I have to tell you that while this is quite frankly scary as you-know-what, it is also the most enlivening feeling.
Not only do I get to do what I want, but really I have to do it because I have no other job. I have never quit a job before without having another job (with the exception of a cross-country move) and I’m trying to get everything in order. My scrambling efforts would no doubt be laughable to the outsider looking in, and that is completely fine by me. I will be laughing at myself a lot, I am sure. At the moment, I am trying to learn so much all at once that I feel a bit like a waterlogged sponge.
I try not to think of failure. It is not an option and therefore cannot be in my vocabulary. I will succeed, although in the end it may be just getting another job of some sort, but total failure is not possible. Too many others depend upon me, and I cannot let them down. Thinking of failure is also depressing and slightly immobilizing. Instead, before I go to bed I am mentally plotting out the things I aim to accomplish the following day. I’m going easy on myself since my written to-do list is getting out of control. There are things that need to be done quickly, and then other things that will wait until later. Organization is going to be important, and I’m extremely excited to see how things come together, or if they come together at all. At the very least I know I’m going to learn a TON, which makes me very happy. Success will just be additional happiness. Off to my own work!