Confession Time and Thoughts of Valentine’s Days

Happy Friday everyone! I sure hope you all had a great day yesterday. I had a good day but didn’t finish all the things I wanted to accomplish. I do still feel as though I have the tools I need for other things to fall into place. That’s a great feeling, although a little scary because now it’s the follow-through stage. Eek! Then I can’t blame anything else if I fail, but as long as I learn and adjust, pick myself up, dust off and get back to work, then I suppose there is value in the experience. I am learning how to be a crazy multi-tasker. While I write the articles/press releases/blogs/copywrite material/product descriptions that come at all hours of the day and night, I’m making my little soaps (They’re so pretty! like jelly beans and Easter colors!) or drawing or something like that. I am also researching when possible, but alas I think I’m VERY behind on my homework. I did manage to procure a little planner which is making scheduling much easier.

I’m running off-track though in my usual way. I didn’t have a Valentine but I actually didn’t feel bad at all. I spent my Valentine’s Day with a friend and it is more than enough. I say that now until I find something better, probably. I have to confess though, that there are other times (usually when I’m in a relationship) where Valentine’s Day has been one of the worst days ever. It wasn’t because I didn’t get gifts…I usually did, but because the one day out of the year when you’re supposed to really think of a way to express how much you care for a person, I received gifts I didn’t want and sometimes specifically said I DIDN’T like at all. I’ll tell you that I’m not difficult to please, and I am like a kid. I like teddy bears (I can totally admit this online where no one can point at me and laugh in my vicinity). I like chocolate in a heart-shaped box (This is kind of a “duh” thing to me. It’s the cuteness of the packaging people, it’s pretty) not the normal boring rectangular ones you can get any time of year. I love helium balloons, although I will regretfully pass those up in light of the helium shortages.  I’m not a jewelry person very much, and I dislike roses in the house because I don’t like how they smell. They belong alive, outdoors in my opinion. I’m pretty vocal about all of those things…I make sure to spell it out. So on Valentine’s Day it always seemed that instead of showing me that they knew ANYTHING about me, it was like having the fact that they didn’t care rubbed into my face. I would much rather have gone for a walk or something and not had any presents if that was the alternative.

Why am I rambling about all this? NO idea. It’s late and I’m blathering. OH. Confessions, yeah. So in those moments when I feel as though the problem is me, that I’m doing something wrong, or that having a “relationship” where a person actually cares about someone else isn’t possible I usually end up reading the entire Twilight Saga again. Not because it’s believable, but because those thoughts stemmed from a desire that lurks deep within us all (at least I think it does). It’s the basic desire to have meaning to your life, to have meaning in someone  else’s life and to be able to love freely, knowing that you are loved equally in return. Reading it gives me a little hope that as long as such elements find their way into stories, there are people aware of the way a solid unconditional loving relationship should be. This probably makes no sense, and you are probably rolling your eyes at sparkly vampires (I nearly stopped reading when I got to that part. It makes me roll my eyes too, and sometimes gag.) but hopefully the sentiments are there. That’s why this year I tried to circumvent those depressive feelings, and focus on the fact that I am blessed to have so many people in my life to Love and who love me back in their own variable ways. Of course it could be that I entirely forgot about Valentine’s Day and worked feverishly on articles and went to a tax appointment. Ignoring holidays works pretty well I’d say. That’s my confession. That and I got a Wii balance board so I can try to do some Yoga and lose a bit of weight gradually. Health problems suck and I hate feeling like I can’t just get out and Zumba. Frustrating, but anything is better than sitting around like a blob, so there I go. That’s all for the weird and random confessions of today. I’m going to go write more articles now. Have an awesomely fantabulous weekend!!!

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