I’m sure we’ve all heard one or two sayings that have struck a funny bone. Signs with misplaced modifiers are prevalent (I am guilty of committing this upon occasion as well). Recently as I was reading a few news articles, I noticed the word “Independent” and thought it might have been an advertisement for another news source.
Well, it was not a news source. It was a dating site entitled “Independent Dating”. The more I thought about this saying, the more odd it seemed. There are many funny ways to interpret this (though I know they aren’t going for any of these). Here are my ridiculous theories:
1. This is the dating website for non-clingy people, rich people, the Scrooges, or anyone who failed Sandbox 101 and never learned the value of sharing. This it the most realistic interpretation if you focus on the definitions of “Independent”.
2. This is a dating service for people who are independent and want to find all their matches themselves. So we have a “service” that is perhaps just a portal where you get to call all the shots and set your inner control freak loose, rather than save time with those emailed lists of prospective matches. Hopefully you wouldn’t have to pay for this.
3. This interpretation is my favorite though I’m just being ridiculous. Independent means not depending on the existence of something else. So does that mean you are dating without the existence of a date (as in the other person)? This is perhaps a new dating method where you take yourself out, have a conversation with yourself, appreciate yourself, and take yourself home. What’s not to like, right? 😉 The awkward part comes when some interloper tries to crash your independent date:
Interloper: “Excuse me, are you here with anyone?”
Independent Dater: “Yes, I am dating independently.”
Interloper: “Independent from what?”
Independent Dater: “Independent from you. I am dating myself tonight.”
Interloper: “Um, okay. I’m sorry to bother you.”
See? There goes a potential real date, but it would break the rules because it would be dependent on the presence of another person. Definitely a problem with this “Independent Dating”. I thought speed dating was weird, but this takes it to a whole new level. It’s even more awkward when the time comes for a good night kiss. Then there’s a whole different aspect to consider with this scenario.
Not only do we have someone dating themselves, but they had to be recruited by a website just to get a date with themselves. This is extremely pathetic. If you want to date yourself, you should. I really, really hope they didn’t have to pay to be matched up with themselves.
4. Now, perhaps “Independent Dating” actually means that you formed an opinion about a person regardless of what anyone else previously said about them.
Example: “I don’t care if they spent time in jail multiple times, I’m judging independently. I don’t care about your opinion [insert best friend’s name here].”
This “Independent Dating” now ranks as one funny saying that I will most likely ponder for a long time. Who decided this name? Did they actually think about how one could possibly go on an “independent date”? Was this code for “dating for cheapskates”? The “independent” perhaps means it’s guaranteed that he or she will pay for their own food and activities? The last time I checked, dating required dependence on another person. That’s what relationships are all about. We depend on one another for support, love, encouragement, humor, reassurance, and trust.
So maybe this was a belated April fool’s day joke, because in reality a truly “independent” date would simply be going out on your own and having a good time. Perfectly acceptable, but it doesn’t qualify as a “relationship”, unless you have (or pretend to have) multiple personalities. And then it totally counts, and you should be sure to argue over who pays the bill.
What say you, O people of the interwebs?